What I am about to write and tell you about is kind of embarrassing for me but I am writing about it because I think its more common than anyone thinks. I am also writing about it because this blog is about my life, it is our life journal and I am very proud of us for making this decision.
I grew up in a Baptist church. We rarely missed Church when I was younger. My parents taught us about the bible and did great by letting us go Sundays, Sunday nights and Wednesday nights too to learn even more with friends. I was baptized fairly young but old enough to know what it meant. I had asked Jesus Christ into my life and it was a huge thing.. still is a huge thing for any kid to do that. As I got older I started slacking in going to Church. I would miss one Sunday out of the month and that led to missing even more. Well, in my adult age I am ashamed to tell you that I haven’t been since before having kids. And to be even more honest I don’t remember going frequently before kids. Its not because I don’t want to, I just honestly haven’t found the right timing. Maybe I have been scared? I am far from perfect. In fact, I am pretty imperfect. I sin every single day but at the end of the day I do ask for forgiveness and I say my prayers. That’s not an excuse for sinning but I am working on this and so is Matt. Even though I haven’t been to Church, I know HE knows my love for him is strong and it has never gone away. I need to do better than that. Its time to show HIM.
I can’t really explain the reasons for not going because I am not completely sure. I do know that after having twins we were just so busy with them. Their schedules were strict and they were usually napping when service started. Then I found out I was pregnant with Maddie. My pregnancy was beyond rough with her. I hurt all of the time. After Maddie’s arrival, we just could never get it together on time. Matt has fishing tournaments on some Sundays too. None of those are an excuse, and i know this more than anyone. Its been hard but we are all finally at a place where we can go. I get scared because the kids aren’t use to being without us unless they are with someone we know very well. They are shy but open up to people quickly (if they like you). That made me nervous about putting them in the nursery but it needs to happen. They need to play with other kids and get use to mommy and daddy not always being there. And I need God in my life right now. Lately I have felt like a bad mom. An impatient mom. I need him to help me be the mom I want to be and once was. I just need him.
Things have got to change. Not because they have to (although they really do) but because we want them to. We want to raise our kids knowing God and Jesus Christ. We want them to love him and love themselves for that.
The past few Saturday nights me and Matt have been putting the kiddos to bed a little early and then we eat dinner and watch a movie together. After that we spend our time outside just enjoying each other and watching our view of the lake while listening to the crickets chirp and frogs ribbit. I love spending time with him. We still love each other so much after so many years and I could listen to him talk or talk to him all day long. We were talking about us, our family. How we wanted things to change for the good. After opening up to each other about many things and why we thought we needed God in our lives right now, we decided we would attend the next morning. I was thrilled, excited and nervous all at the same time. I am ready to make my (re) commitment to the church and commit my family to going too.
We woke up the next morning and told the kids we were all going to Church. They didn’t know what that was but for some reason they were ecstatic. We all got fed and dressed and headed to Church. We were welcomed with open arms from friends and family. We live in a very (and I mean very) small town so we knew everyone that was there. In fact, most of them are Matt’s family. After saying our “Hellos” we proceeded to the nursery and dropped all three off. None of them cried. I was shocked. After sneaking out we went and listened to the preacher do his thing. I love this preacher. He did a great job and I felt like he was speaking right to us. There was one point where me and Matt looked at each other because we were sweating and thought the roof was going to cave in on us but things cooled off. Maybe it was his way of welcoming us by cooling us down hah. I felt amazing after going. I think we all did. The kids did great in the nursery but Maddie was crying when I went to get them. I think it is because she was starting to get sick though because she woke the next day with 102 degree fever. The woman who watched the kids, Miss Heather (who is actually Matt’s aunt) said Jocelynn and JP were great. I would call that a success. After picking them up I ran into a friend who said VBS started this week. I thought why not? I want them to be more social and learn about the bible. Well, today is Thursday and they have been twice! Tonight will be the third time and they have done amazingly. JP cries when I drop him off but doesn’t want to leave when I pick him up. Jocelynn talks about going to church all day long until I drop them off. It fills my heart with joy to hear her say those words. And it makes me so proud of the choice we have made. I hope to become even more involved with the church.
I know many of you are probably nodding your heads at me right now and I probably would too. That being said, I opened up about this for a reason. This is my life and I want it documented. I am so proud of me and my husband and am excited about this new promise we have made to ourselves.
Happy Thursday Friends!