Do you ever feel like you are failing at motherhood? The most important and hardest job there is, do you ever feel like a failure? I am having one of those days. To be honest, I have been having a lot of those days lately. This morning was rough. Fighting, whining, crying, screaming and more tantrums than I care to count. I know it is the age we are at but my lord, can we just get back to normal? Please! I have good kids. I have great kids honestly. But they have their bad days just like any other human being. They are learning they have to share toys and they are learning to stand up for themselves. This is hard for them and hard for me too. Teaching a toddler to share is very hard. They don’t understand it. All they see it as is “thats my toy”! Its a work in progress. We are at that stage where if they feel embarrassed, mocked or threatened, they are going to hit. This is not ok. They can’t hit anyone and especially not their siblings. But its hard teaching this too because when they do grow up, I want them to be able to stand up for themselves. Not bow out if someone punches them. I want to teach them to take the higher road and do what my maw maw always said “kill them with kindness” and if that doesn’t work well, you know what to do now. Hopefully they’ll never be in a situation like that. Teaching your children lessons like this at such a young age is hard. They’re babies and I have to tell myself that. As an adult i have had to learn this over many of years, when in their situation they are just now experiencing all of this.
This morning Jocelynn and JP got into a fight over a toy. Screaming happened, a few punches were thrown and then there was shoving that resulted in lots of crying. I took them both by the arm and put them in a corner for timeout. I haven’t done timeout in a while because they’ve been so good. They’ve just been acting out here for a while and not listening. Im a my wits end of knowing what to do so this morning I decided timeout would be best. They sat in the corner with their noses against the wall for almost 20 minutes. Not even joking. They cried the whole time. I asked them if they were ready to be nice and they both replied with a sad “uh huh”! They hugged, kissed and made up. After that the day went smoothly. They were nice to each other, they played with one another and played with Maddie good too. HHmmm maybe this timeout thing isn’t too bad?? I even got Jocelynn to actually lay down for a nap by telling her she would have to go to timeout which is inane. She didn’t even stand up and nap time is usually an all out war for her.
My day got better but looking at this morning and all our other days make me feel like I’m failing. When they are all crying and I want to cry with them, makes me feel like that. Instead I hold all of them. They all stop crying and we usually end up laughing. But the crying and screaming in the first place? Makes me feel like I’m failing them. Would they not cry if they were happy? Are they crying because they aren’t happy? Theres just so many questions that come with parenthood and i am still figuring it out. I love my babies with all my heart and wouldn’t trade any of them for the world. We just have to figure out things. It might take some time but we’ve done it before. I brought them all home from the hospital and got to know them. We’ve all bonded at every single different stage of every age. We are just in a new stage at this age right now and we have to figure out what they like or want to learn about or do at this age. I know most things but everyday we learn something new about toys or each other and it helps. Today I learned they don’t like timeout and maybe this will help with teaching them discipline and other things.
I know this post is all over the place but its only because my thoughts are all over the place right now too. I know I was born to do this. To be a mom. And I know I am a great one. That doesn’t make it any less harder. We will get to our happy days again. I know we will. Most of our days are happy but for some reason, as of right now, the bad is outweighing the good. I don’t like that at all because I am not a negative person whatsoever. Im trying to make the most of our bad days and look at the good moments that happened within it though. Hopefully it will all be wonderful soon. Until then…. think happy thoughts.