This is something that has been weighing on my mind lately. It is not something I usually do or write about but since this is my “diary” I wanted to talk to you about it.
We all know we aren’t who we use to be after having babies. I’m here to tell you it is ok. Its ok to love your life with babies. Its ok to want to be home with your family instead of “out and about”. Its ok to want to go to bed at 8:30. It is all ok, you know why? Because I have everything I have ever wanted. A wonderful husband, 2 kids I prayed for, 1 baby gifted to us; who we like to call our miracle baby, a roof over our heads and food.
I don’t “let loose” a whole lot anymore. It is hard to let loose anywhere because I have three babies to look over. It is a lot of work. I don’t feel myself around some people anymore so I stay quiet. That’s not me at all. Because I’m quiet, people now seem to think I am mean? I’m not mean. I’ve never been called mean in my entire life. I am one of the happiest people. Honestly, that’s just always been me. Happy, happy, happy. I love life and I love people. I’ve always been a personable person. It breaks my heart when I do let loose and people say “you’re acting like the old jen”. What’s so wrong with me now? I love my life and am so happy, so why cant people be happy for me too?
I like to drink a glass of wine or have a beer at night. I don’t like to get drunk because of my babies, and I would imagine most people don’t who have little ones (unless they were gone for the night or weekend). Does that make me boring? I like to stay at home with my husband and watch a movie instead of going out. Does that make me boring? I don’t think so. I think that makes me a good wife and a good mother.
Me and Matt are very relaxed people. Our “parenting ways” are very relaxed too. I love that about us. I’ve been that way my entire life. Maybe that’s why my blood pressure is so low? The point being is that some people see me as uptight because I don’t “let loose” when we are out. Again, I’m not that. I wish people would just see me as me. Talk to me instead of talking bad about me. You will see who I really I am. I’m fun, funny, relaxed, loyal, and a good friend.
I am writing this post because some people in my life have been saying all of these things I have talked about. They have even gone to the extreme of telling people I am/was depressed after having Madelynn. Its pretty funny to me that someone would say that about me when they only see me once or twice a month. And of course I was overwhelmed.. have you ever had three babies under 15 months? It took some adjusting but it has been the best year of my life. Everyone has so many emotions after having a baby, you know what I’m talking about. The emotions are everywhere, I remember crying many days for a ton of little reasons. It is normal. That doesn’t mean someone is depressed, All of this that has happened with who I use to call my family has broken my heart and I spent a few days crying about it. Those people are suppose to care about me like I care about them. Or at least I thought so. I don’t feel comfortable around these people anymore and I so wish things could be normal again. I guess it cant be because they don’t like who I am now. Well, I like who I am now and I’m fine with it. So for all of you that have been judged for being different after becoming a mother, I am here to tell you its ok. We just need to find other mommy friends who get us;)